


Seeking Salvation

by Niebelungen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27465268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niebelungen/pseuds/Niebelungen
Summary: In the beginning of Season 5 Castiel looks for God. Here is his story.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 1





	Seeking Salvation

seeking salvation  
beginning season 5

Castiel has decided that he is going to find God. God is the only one who can help them defeat Lucifer. He just needs to get the amulet from Dean. He calls Dean and upon learning of Dean’s location Castiel appears directly behind him. “Dean, I need something that only you can give me.” he says urgently.   
Dean startles, jumping back from Cas, “Hey, I like you too, but how about a little foreplay first.”   
Cas steps forward reaching toward Dean, “Give it to me now. Only you can give me what I need.”  
Dean blushes, “I hear you and all, but your timing isn’t very good.”   
Cas is getting sick of Dean’s obfuscating, “I gave up everything for you. You owe it to me.”  
Sam feels the need to intervene, “Cas, we both may owe you, but we don’t owe you that. You shouldn’t pressure people. It’s not right.”   
Cas sighs in exasperation, “I just want to borrow the necklace. I’ll give it back when I’m finished with it.”  
The boys are taken aback, but then look suspicious. “What are you going to use it for?”  
“I need it to find God.”  
Dean eventually relinquishes the necklace with the admonishment that Cas not lose it. Cas feels like this entire exchange was more difficult than it needed to be. 

Castiel went to seek out a powerful medium in Malaysia. Cas was lost amidst the crowds, when he was struck blind. His powers weakened, Castiel was unable to heal himself. Cas’ first thought was that it must be a Hantu Buta. It took him a while longer to realize that he’d lost the amulet. The loss of sight for a person is a devastating thing. Human senses are so limited to begin with, such a loss leaves them at a great disadvantage. However, angels can taste molecules, they can hear the entire symphony of the universe and pick out each individual note. They can find any human in the world, unless that human is warded, even then they can find their dreams. The loss of sight doesn’t affect an angel’s ability to function. 

Cas catches a whiff of the Hantu Buta, he follows the scent. When he catches up with the scent it is attached faintly to a man, 5’11, sable hair, brown eyes. The man’s features mirror Castiel’s, though the hair has more curl. Another victim, Castiel approaches the man. “I am Castiel, an angel of the lord. Do you know where the Hantu Buta is?”  
“I’m Constantine. Do you have a message for me?”   
“No, I just want to know where the Hantu Buta is. My sight and my necklace are missing.”  
“Messenger, I’m sorry, but I don’t know where to find the ghost. Though I think that I have something that you lost.” Constantine hands Cas the necklace.   
“You...How did you come by this?”   
“The ghost attacked me while I was working late at the office. I struggled and grabbed hold of something. It turned out to be this necklace.”  
“Show me where you were attacked.”

The two men start walking down the road. Castiel takes the man’s hand to help steady him. They walk hand in hand. They take a couple of wrong turnings as Constantine tries to give directions. Eventually, Constantine says, “You’re lost.”  
“Just tell me how to find it.”  
“You’ll find it at the end. You shouldn’t look for it until you’ve come to the end. Anyway, I can give you the address of the building.” and Constantine does.  
Inside the building the scent of the Hantu Buta is, again, faint, but pervasive. There are people rushing around, they mostly ignore Castiel. Some of the workers greet Constantine. His thumb starts tracing the pad of Castiel’s hand. Their hands are a match, both work roughened.   
“I’ve not found what I’m looking for. Have there been other attacks?”  
“Yes, there have, but I’m the only one from this building that’s been attacked.”  
“Did you recognize the ghost? Do you have any idea where the corpse is buried?”  
“No, I’m sorry. It happened fast. One minute I was working and the next I was blind.”

Cas asks around, but everyone is busy and there were no witnesses. No one had any of the answers that Castiel was seeking. The two stop at a street vendor and eat dinner as they walk. “Thank you for helping me. This must be very difficult for you.”  
Constantine smiles, “It’s difficult for us both. I’m happy to accompany you on your journey. I’m sure we’ll see, in the end. It’ll be like climbing out of Plato’s cave.”  
This man looks so much like Castiel, or perhaps he should say that the man looks so much like Jimmy Novak. The man’s fingers fidget and dance within Castiel’s sure grip.   
“While the loss of my sight doesn’t affect my ability to function, I do feel like I’ve lost something important.”

“You’ve got your necklace back.”   
Castiel, sighs, “Yes, I was told not to lose it. I’m glad it’s back, but it’s not really what I’m looking for. Do you believe in God?”  
“Yes, I do, but I’m not going to become a Christian yet. I’m going to get my fill of sin and then be absolved on my deathbed. That way my soul will be clean, right before I go to heaven.”  
“That would seem to show a singular lack of commitment.” Castiel replies.

Later that night Castiel had a vision, much like Maria Teresa. He had awoken from sleep, which is odd because he doesn’t sleep. A naked man was approaching him, “Michael, is that you? Where are your clothes?” The man intends to pierce Castiel, his hands hold his shaft, his tip appears to be in flame. Castiel decides he doesn’t think it’s Michael, “Dean?” The man repeatedly pierced Castiel, right through to his heart. It brought such pain, but such sweet ecstasy, that none should wish to be rid of such pain. That was the end of Castiel’s ecstasy. 

The next day Castiel awakes and continues his search for the Hantu Buta when he is surrounded by three demons. He can’t help but think of Dean, of how Dean’s body would move as he struggled with the demons. Still, these demons are showing immense hubris. Castiel may be weakened, but he was still more than a match for three demons. He could picture Dean thrusting forward into these demons, but Castiel just allows his grace to flood them, burning them out from the inside. All these thoughts of Dean has Cas reaching for the amulet. The amulet, a gift from Sam, that Dean would even wear during sex. And now, now it was in Castiel’s hands...or not. The necklace, once more, is gone. 

Maybe he’d lost it in his struggles with the demons. Castiel uses his remaining senses to search for the locket, but it doesn’t seem to be around. Castiel is left with little option, but to continue with his current case. He searches out another victim of the Hantu Buta. The man’s name is Otto. He was a peculiar looking man, with eyes to wide and round and such a pronounced cleft that he looked like he had two chins sitting next to each other. Castiel shared what he knew about the Hantu Buta. Otto commiserated, “Yes, a similar thing’s happened to me. I was talking to my flock, when I was struck blind.”   
“Are you a pastor?”  
“I’ll tell you where the pasture is, then you can meet my flock.”  
“Did they witness what happened to you? Maybe I could question them.”  
Otto nodded his head, “Yes. They saw everything.”

Once they reached the pasture, Castiel saw, “Sheep. These are sheep.”  
“Yes, this is my flock.”  
“You’re a Shepard.”  
“Yes.”  
“You thought I was going to interview sheep?”  
Otto nodded his head in affirmation, “Yes, they saw everything.”  
Castiel went ahead and read the minds of each individual sheep, hoping to at least pick up a few useful images. 

“What are you looking for?” Otto asked.  
“I’m trying to find god.” Castiel answers absently.  
“You better hurry, if you don’t find God you’ll die.”  
“I’m aware of that. That’s why I’m searching for him.”  
Otto looks at Castiel contemplatively, “Your faith has to be absolute for you to find God. You must kill any doubts.”   
“I do not doubt god’s existence.”  
“Perhaps you doubt God’s virtue. It’s like these sheep, if any of them stray, I kill them. Absolute obedience, that’s the path to God.”  
“I am familiar with that mindset, but I have recently come to believe that there is another way.”  
Otto shakes his head in a negative gesture, “Believe or die. Damned or saved. There is no middle ground.”

Castiel finds the amulet hanging around one of the sheep’s necks. He was puzzled about how it had gotten there. He’d also managed to get an image of the creature, dark and slithery. It didn’t look quite human, lacking distinct legs. 

“Would you help me lead my flock home? I can’t do that without my sight.”   
Castiel agrees to help and they start on the path home.   
Otto absently engages in conversation, “You have to be careful of wolves.”  
“Wolves?”  
“Don’t you know what wolves are?”  
Castiel was about to say that he did, when Otto interrupted, “A grown man like you, and you don’t even know what wolves are.”  
Castiel gives up on trying to correct the man. After a pace, a pack of werewolves surround them. “You said wolves. You didn’t say anything about werewolves.”  
Castiel is quick, getting behind the werewolves and stabbing them to their heart. There had been at least 8, but still, they were no match for the angel.

They arrived at the sheep’s home. Castiel thanked Otto for his help and took his leave. Castiel had found this Otto individual peculiarly irritating. He wondered what Sam and Dean were up to right now. His hand absently reached for the necklace. “Oh fuck.” The damned thing was gone again. 

Castiel caught a whiff of the Hantu Buta, he was close now. He rushed after it, when he crossed paths with a man who was panicked from having lost his sight. Castiel was close to the Hantu Buta, if he went after it now...He sighs, and stops to help the man who had just lost his sight. The man’s name was Martin. Sounds echo hollow and there’s a stagnancy to the night air, as Castiel converses with Martin. 

“Tell me what happened to you.” Castiel demands.  
“I was concerned about what’s been happening. I was concerned about the people who’ve been blinded. I was trying to put matters right when I lost my sight.”   
“Is there any way that I can help you?” Castiel queries.  
“I do not see how, you are as blind as I.”  
“I do not rely solely on my eyes for guidance.”  
“Ah, you have a good ear. That’s nice. I’m a musician. I play the bagpipes and sing, like Simplicissimus, I do it to keep the wolves away.”  
“I had a problem with wolves earlier. Is that a common problem around here?”

Castiel found that the thing about night is how the cool falls from above and the heat rises from below. All of the repressed stench of the day finds its way up. Martin was an easy man to talk to. His language was straightforward and the images his words created were vivid.   
Martin chuckled as he answered, “One has to be careful of wolves, but there are defenses against them.”  
“Yes, silver.”  
“That, and my singing. Why, it’s been said that my singing can cause the death of thousands, but only if they have not found God.”  
“I’m looking for god. I actually lost an amulet that would help me find god.”  
“Your amulet is a golden calf. You mustn’t rely on intermediaries to speak to God. Your link with God is direct, through repentance. I actually have a 95 step program that can help you find God, but whether you find God is up to you.” 

At this point Castiel chances upon the Hantu Buta and makes quick work in dispatching it.   
“My eyes! I can see, my friend.”  
Castiel retrieves his amulet from the Hantu Buta and replies to Martin drily, “I highly doubt that. Anyway, I must continue my search.”  
“God go with you.” Martin responded.  
“That is doubtful as well.” with that Castiel leaves.

Fin


End file.
